Be Proximate

by Lisa Tafro
Court Appointed Special Advocate

BE PROXIMATE. Those are the words resonating with me as I left a lecture by the social justice activist, lawyer, and author, Bryan Stevenson. He was discussing his book Just Mercy and his work with the Equal Justice Initiative. Stevenson suggested that perhaps the best way to really engage in the fight against injustice in our society is to do more than just write a check to your favorite charity. He encouraged people to get close up, close to, and be proximate to whatever disturbs and affects us the most. 

For me, that was the plight of children in foster care; the many children in our society that grow up in broken homes, have parents who are struggling with substance use disorders, are housing or food insecure, or struggle in school and need someone to be their voice.

I did not grow up exposed to these issues. This was a world foreign to me. I was extremely fortunate to grow up in a stable and loving home. When I married and had two children of my own, I tried to create the same type of safe and unconditionally loving home I had. One of my children struggled with ADHD, life threatening food allergies and had difficulties keeping up in our very competitive school district. This forced me to become an advocate for my child in ways I was unaccustomed to. I had to fight for the resources and assistance he needed in all aspects of his life so that he would have  the opportunity to be successful to the best of his ability. 

I learned so much during this time and enjoyed my interactions with his teachers and school administrators, so much so that after both my children were in college, I went back to work as a Paraprofessional; working particularly in special education in several NJ school districts. I knew about special education, I knew these children- they were my own; I knew these parents - they were me felt a particular kinship in helping to make their school experience the best it could be to suit their unique needs. 

During this time, I learned one of my sixth grade students had been put into foster care. Understandably, it was very difficult and emotionally challenging for her to navigate this scary time. Coming to school each day was the only stability she had. I strived to give her the constant support and encouragement she required to achieve success in her lessons, hoping that success would bolster her outside of the classroom, too. Though it was bumpy along the way, the two of us developed a bond and rhythm that allowed her to progress and stay focused in spite of what she was going through. She moved on to the next grade level, and ultimately, she was reunited with her siblings and family. I think of her quite often and wonder if she knows how deeply her fortitude and resilience impacted me.

Fast forward to the evening I found myself being moved by Mr. Stevenson’s ideas. I decided to put proximity into action. I volunteered to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) in Passaic County. I wanted to help children in the most dire need. I was nervous and a bit frightened to be entering into an unknown experience.I wondered how I would be received by the people I was trying to help. Would I be accepted or resented for my efforts? 

What I discovered changed me profoundly. As I have always believed and now know to be true, is that we are all fundamentally the same. Children all have the same needs. Parents, foster and biological, all want to provide the same stability, opportunity and love for their children as I did for mine. The resource parents that I have gotten to know as a CASA are some of the most generous, compassionate and inclusive people I have ever met. Their willingness to open their homes and hearts to care for, mentor and adopt children that are not their own has been eye-opening and astonishing. I am continually amazed at the mercy and compassion I witness not only from resource parents but from the many professionals who work in the overburdened foster care system. As well, the biological parents I've encountered, while struggling with a variety of challenges in life, are trying to work towards providing the best possible for their children.

Sure, it can be quite sad and daunting to navigate the system and deal with the challenges these children and parents face, but knowing that you can make even a small difference is the most rewarding feeling I have ever known. It requires taking one day at a time and a great deal of patience. I look forward to many more years of serving these children and working alongside the dedicated professionals at Passaic County CASA. 

Making a Significant Difference For a Kid in Foster Care is More Feasible Than You Think

By Dana Chapman
Court Appointed Special Advocate

Yesterday I attended virtual court via Zoom for my CASA case.

What exactly is CASA you ask?

It’s something I found out about during the summer of 2018 that pulled at my heartstrings and made me want to get involved. It was a way I could contribute to a better life for a child in foster care, while at the same time, give my own life more purpose and meaning.

I found out about CASA while taking a yoga class at our local studio where the instructor would periodically fill us in on how it was going with teaching yoga to kids in foster care at a local group home once a month. He was so excited to share that after a year of teaching, some kids were finally sitting and waiting for class to begin, some were asking him about meditation, and others were becoming more interested in actually learning some poses.

When he first started teaching, the kids were…. let’s just say, not-so-nice to him.

They would swear and fart in class and do obnoxious things. They were downright mean.

Yet, he kept going back because he believed the practice and teachings of yoga had the ability to help at least ONE of those kids see that they could have more control over their bodies and minds, regardless of their circumstances.

In this particular class, as we were listening to our yoga teacher’s monthly report, a fellow yogi shared that she is a CASA and works with kids in foster care every day.

I was like... "Wait, what? What is that? How did you get involved? Where can I learn more?"

I learned that CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate. In some states it's called a GAL, or Guardian Ad Litem. Either way, it's a volunteer position whose sole duty is to advocate for a child in court to a judge who is being pulled in a million directions by everyone involved in a foster care case. It's a role that helps the judge rule more effectively in achieving a permanent placement for that child.

It's nothing short of an amazing organization. CASA was started in the 70s in Seattle by a judge who felt he was not appropriately getting to know each child's case coming across his bench and into his courtroom. So, he brought his close friends out of retirement and gave them jobs to do. Fast-forward a couple decades, and in the 90s this organization finally came to New Jersey. Now, every county in New Jersey has a local CASA organization.

HOWEVER, sadly... not every child in New Jersey has a CASA volunteer.

Which is why I keep sharing and talking about it with my community, or anyone who will listen. It COULD be something your heart and soul has been yearning for.

I am telling you this story because I have had so many conversations with people through COVID-19 who have been searching for meaning and purpose. Trying to find themselves. Getting involved with something that pulls at your heartstrings is a beautiful, rewarding, life-giving way for you to use your passions, interests and skill set to benefit our most vulnerable youth and families.

My husband is a volunteer firefighter in our town (which is part of how I met him, but that's a story for another day) so he knows the feeling of having purpose and meaning in his own life by contributing in a way that brings some of his talents and skills to the table that benefits others.... the entire community in fact!

With each of these volunteer positions, we expect nothing in return. It is truly an act of service and that is what makes it REWARDING, and not draining. 💓

Do you volunteer somewhere?

Would you like to?????

Even if it's not something you do right now, perhaps this note from me on this blog could inspire you to start looking into it. 🤔 That's where it started for ME! And my life feels even richer and more meaningful now.

If you are curious about becoming a CASA and what all is involved, I would be delighted to give it to you straight. I've been on a case with one child for almost two and a half years. My duty is to help facilitate a permanent home for her, however long, however many years that might take, I am a constant, reliable person in this child's life, regardless of all the other instability.

One final note - it’s interesting how now I do yoga with my assigned CASA kid during our visits - and she LOVES it! She often requests that we do it together, whether we are outside, or we tune in to see each other via FaceTime. She's remembering more and more of the poses every time I see her and is very proud to show me what she can do! It warms my heart so much. I’m glad to give her the little gift of learning to use her body and release some energy, which she needs because she is separated from her biological mother and father and must feel angry, frustrated, and at times alone. Yoga is such a gift in my life. I'm so happy that now she knows it's a tool she can access anytime she wants, just like you or I. ❤️❤️❤️

Dana can be reached at danaleechapman@gmail.com.

A CASA's Impact: Rich and Infinite

By Laura Warne
Communications Coordinator

Infinite had the brains. He also, from a very young age, had an enviable work ethic. What he lacked was support, guidance, and consistency. Or as Infinite summarizes what his CASA Rich has done for him: “[He] was always looking out, checking in. Making sure my head’s on straight.”

It was a long road, but this past May 2020, Infinite turned 21 and officially aged out of foster care after 8.5 years in the system. CASA volunteer Rich Rolek has been by his side, keeping Infinite’s “head on straight” and advocating for his needs in court for seven of those years.

The very beginning of his time in foster care, before even Rich entered the picture, was the hardest for Infinite. Everyone was a complete stranger, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to be at home, with his family.

“Seeing a lot of faces who aren't family and feeling empty, that's the hardest part,” Infinite said. Over time, Infinite got to know his caseworkers, attorneys, and Rich. “There’s a lot of bad stereotypes about the system, but these people did help,” Infinite said.

“When I was at a low point, (Rich) helped bring me back up,” Infinite shared.

The pair have a mutual respect for each other, with Infinite recognizing Rich’s impact, and Rich emphasizing Infinite’s intellect and drive. “Infinite is a strong and intelligent young man with a good heart and a commitment to making his life successful,” Rich said.

Today, Infinite works two jobs: as a farmer at a local nonprofit and also as a manager at a restaurant. He has a stable home, and has lived with his friend and the friend’s family for four years now.

Next up: college to become a music engineer.

Wherever life takes him, Infinite knows who will be right by his side, even though his official time with CASA and the foster care system has ended. “I’m not going anywhere,” Rich said. “I’ll help him out. He’ll be great at anything he does.”

Why I Volunteer: Lisa Ingersoll

By Lisa Ingersoll
CASA Volunteer

Lisa and her CASA children at their adoption ceremony in December 2019.

Fulfillment is a tough thing to achieve, and it’s often found in a challenge.  After raising three kids of my own, a career in advertising, and then being on the board of a film festival, I found myself continuing the search for my next challenge.  I felt the need to do something uplifting, yet meaningful.  

 Upon finding CASA I had no idea just how difficult, and fulfilling, my role would be.  It is absolutely heart-wrenching to see a child living without a voice, having their fate tossed around like a baseball.  CASAs can be that voice;  we can speak on behalf of these children and help them find their permanent home.  At times it’s not easy, but as anyone who’s ever volunteered as a CASA can attest, the smile of a child in a tough situation makes every effort worthwhile. 

Over the past three years, I’ve been exposed to an entire world that I barely knew existed—one that is right next door. Seeing the struggles and triumphs of children and families so close by has helped me to grow and expand my perspective.  I have a deeper understanding of how interconnected we are, how powerful a helping hand can be.  

We expect our government to protect us, to protect our children, but there are holes in that system that desperately need to be filled.  When we see those gaps, it’s easy to feel hopeless, like nothing can be done. 

I had a case with two siblings who had been shuffled around from relative foster homes to non-relative foster homes.  For a time they were separated from each other before they were finally reunited, and there was no stability in sight.  It was obvious how meaningful my presence in their lives was. I remained the only constant through three years of changing hands; even the case workers from the Division of Child Protection and Permanency were pulled in and out of the case like hockey players being called off the ice.  But CASAs don’t get to give up, and we worked with the entire team to get them to adoption.  Witnessing it in court, watching their eyes light up with joy knowing they’ll finally have a forever home—well, there’s nothing quite like that.  

As CASAs we can actually make change happen, and that’s pretty fulfilling if you ask me.

Volunteer Spotlight: Gabrielle Montalvo

By Juliana Oelkers

Fresh out of college in 2017, Gabi Montalvo did not have much volunteer experience.  That year, she was primarily focused on working full time and attending open houses for grad school.  

Luckily for both CASA and Gabi, it was during one of those open houses that she learned about volunteering at Passaic County CASA. Three years later, and Gabi is now February’s CASA Volunteer of the Month.

With a degree in psychology, Gabi was always interested in child welfare. After attending a CASA volunteer information session, she realized being a CASA would allow her to take on a role within that field and advocate on behalf of children in the child welfare system. 

Ever since becoming a volunteer in 2018, Gabi has advocated for four children of all different ages and backgrounds.

“You’re never really prepared for what you might read in a case file,” Gabi said.  

But what makes it all worth it to her is seeing the progress that the kids make over time.  

Her first case involved a toddler who wore a helmet due to developmental problems. Gabi visited him a few times every month and with each visit, she witnessed slow but steady improvements in his health.  

“One of the most memorable experiences as a CASA was finally seeing him with his helmet off for the first time,” Gabi said.

Making progress with her CASA kids did not always come so easily, though. The teenage girl from Gabi’s second case was closed off at first. One of the things that Gabi used to her advantage was her age. Gabi feels that being younger than the typical CASA volunteer made it easier for her to connect with the girl.  

“I was looked at as sort of an equal and I think that’s what kind of helped with the teen. I can relate to Instagram and Snapchat and even help with homework,” Gabi said.

When that case closed and Gabi’s teen was reunified with her mom, the most rewarding part for Gabi was seeing that they were both working hard to be able to maintain their relationship and how happy her CASA teen was. 

“I love really seeing the progress that can happen when all parties work together because it benefits the kids at the end of the day.” 

Now, Gabi has been assigned to her third case with two little girls living with their grandparents.

To her, the CASA role is so rewarding because talking with her kids, learning how they feel, and seeing what they need is the best part of the job. 

“As CASAs...it's fulfilling to be able to tell that to the judge.” 

Although she was inexperienced at the start, Gabi now views volunteering with CASA as a hugely meaningful part of her life.  

When she’s not busy visiting her CASA children or working, Gabi loves to travel to Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and California. She also enjoys trying out new restaurants in her neighborhood, or having a girls’ night with friends.