by Laura Warne
Communications Coordinator
Feeling anxious? Helpless? Does it feel like life has been turned upside down? Cut off from friends and family? For most of us in the NY metropolitan area, this has become our daily reality. It also means we’ve been given a small taste of what life is like for children who are removed from home after experiencing abuse or neglect.
April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and thanks to the COVID-19 crisis, the stressors that can lead to child abuse and neglect are at an all-time high.
People are socially isolated from one another.
They may be experiencing financial hardship.
They are experiencing high levels of stress and uncertainty, and may increasingly turn to drugs and alcohol to cope.
Government offices and programs are scaled back, and accessing services can feel harder than ever.
Parents and caretakers are going without childcare, trying to juggle the demands of a stressful situation and still bring in a paycheck.
However, hard times also tend to bring out the best in people. People are offering to grocery shop for their neighbors, and posting encouraging messages in their windows. People are buying meals for first responders and sewing masks in their living rooms. Therefore, it doesn’t seem like such a big ask that everyone takes action to keep children safe during this critical time.
Even in the extraordinary context of quarantine, this is an effort we are asking you to undertake both within your own home and within your community.
Parents and caretakers can start by recognizing if they are struggling and ask for help. If stress or anxiety is impacting your ability to properly care for the children in your home, get help. Reach out to a friend, a religious leader, or a mental health professional. More mental health professionals are available online now than ever before. If you are struggling with substance abuse, get help. If you are struggling to afford food or pay your bills, there are people who can help. Call 2-1-1 or visit www.nj211.org to be connected to services in your community.
Some children may now be trapped in their homes with their abuser or exposed to abuse between parents. More than 80% of sexual abuse cases occur in isolated, one-on-one situations. Whether it is a parent, sibling, or other family member, if they are with a child, get in the habit of checking in at unexpected times and keeping the door open. Make rules about which areas of the home are off-limits such as the basement or attic.
Make sure to also keep lines of communication open with your children and tell them they can always confide in you without fear of punishment. Teach them to speak about their bodies without shame, and help them understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching. The website Darkness to Light has some wonderful resources, including online trainings, to help you keep children safe from sexual abuse.
With children online during this quarantine more than ever, we need to keep them safe from virtual predators. Limit computer use to areas where their use can be supervised, and consider using programs such as FamilyTime, Qustodio, or Circle by Disney to control accessible content. Teach children to never give out personal information, and have an age-appropriate conversation about what should be shared online. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has a wonderful online safety education program for children to watch.
Within your community, keep a mental inventory of children on your street. Be observant on daily walks and/or call neighbors periodically to say hi and see how they are doing. Encourage children to call or video chat with their friends, and ask them how their friends are doing. Children are highly observant, and even if they don’t fully understand what is going on in the lives of their peers, they often sense when something isn’t right or someone is acting differently. If anything seems amiss, call the NJ Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline 24/7 at 1-877-NJ-ABUSE.
If you are in a position to do so, share on a community social media page that you are able to help with donations of food or household supplies to anyone who needs it, and ask people to contact you privately. Your help could lessen the burden someone is facing.
The unfortunate reality is that the above actions won’t protect all children. Only time will tell what toll this crisis takes upon the children in our area. The good news is that you can be a part of their recovery by training now to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate. Passaic County CASA is now offering a fully virtual training program which you can access from home. By the time it is completed, you’ll be ready and able to work with children in foster care who urgently need you. By developing relationships with these children and advocating for their needs, you’ll be able to make a major impact in mitigating the long-term damage from abuse or neglect.