Be Proximate

by Lisa Tafro
Court Appointed Special Advocate

BE PROXIMATE. Those are the words resonating with me as I left a lecture by the social justice activist, lawyer, and author, Bryan Stevenson. He was discussing his book Just Mercy and his work with the Equal Justice Initiative. Stevenson suggested that perhaps the best way to really engage in the fight against injustice in our society is to do more than just write a check to your favorite charity. He encouraged people to get close up, close to, and be proximate to whatever disturbs and affects us the most. 

For me, that was the plight of children in foster care; the many children in our society that grow up in broken homes, have parents who are struggling with substance use disorders, are housing or food insecure, or struggle in school and need someone to be their voice.

I did not grow up exposed to these issues. This was a world foreign to me. I was extremely fortunate to grow up in a stable and loving home. When I married and had two children of my own, I tried to create the same type of safe and unconditionally loving home I had. One of my children struggled with ADHD, life threatening food allergies and had difficulties keeping up in our very competitive school district. This forced me to become an advocate for my child in ways I was unaccustomed to. I had to fight for the resources and assistance he needed in all aspects of his life so that he would have  the opportunity to be successful to the best of his ability. 

I learned so much during this time and enjoyed my interactions with his teachers and school administrators, so much so that after both my children were in college, I went back to work as a Paraprofessional; working particularly in special education in several NJ school districts. I knew about special education, I knew these children- they were my own; I knew these parents - they were me felt a particular kinship in helping to make their school experience the best it could be to suit their unique needs. 

During this time, I learned one of my sixth grade students had been put into foster care. Understandably, it was very difficult and emotionally challenging for her to navigate this scary time. Coming to school each day was the only stability she had. I strived to give her the constant support and encouragement she required to achieve success in her lessons, hoping that success would bolster her outside of the classroom, too. Though it was bumpy along the way, the two of us developed a bond and rhythm that allowed her to progress and stay focused in spite of what she was going through. She moved on to the next grade level, and ultimately, she was reunited with her siblings and family. I think of her quite often and wonder if she knows how deeply her fortitude and resilience impacted me.

Fast forward to the evening I found myself being moved by Mr. Stevenson’s ideas. I decided to put proximity into action. I volunteered to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) in Passaic County. I wanted to help children in the most dire need. I was nervous and a bit frightened to be entering into an unknown experience.I wondered how I would be received by the people I was trying to help. Would I be accepted or resented for my efforts? 

What I discovered changed me profoundly. As I have always believed and now know to be true, is that we are all fundamentally the same. Children all have the same needs. Parents, foster and biological, all want to provide the same stability, opportunity and love for their children as I did for mine. The resource parents that I have gotten to know as a CASA are some of the most generous, compassionate and inclusive people I have ever met. Their willingness to open their homes and hearts to care for, mentor and adopt children that are not their own has been eye-opening and astonishing. I am continually amazed at the mercy and compassion I witness not only from resource parents but from the many professionals who work in the overburdened foster care system. As well, the biological parents I've encountered, while struggling with a variety of challenges in life, are trying to work towards providing the best possible for their children.

Sure, it can be quite sad and daunting to navigate the system and deal with the challenges these children and parents face, but knowing that you can make even a small difference is the most rewarding feeling I have ever known. It requires taking one day at a time and a great deal of patience. I look forward to many more years of serving these children and working alongside the dedicated professionals at Passaic County CASA. 

The Children’s Books That Shaped and Inspired Us

By Laura Warne
Communications Coordinator

Did you know that August 9 is National Book Lover’s Day? Here at Passaic County CASA, we’re big book lovers. To help celebrate the day, staff were asked to share the children’s books that left a lasting impact.

Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. Like many 9-12 year old girls who read this book, I felt like Judy Blume was in my head. How could it be that I wasn’t alone in these feelings? She made it clear that we were in this puberty thing together, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I can’t wait to give it to my daughter, who already loves Judy Blume because of the Fudge series.

- Sarah During, Case Supervisor

All of Shel Silverstein's poetry collections: Where the Sidewalk Ends, Falling Up, A Light in the Attic, etc. I remember third-grade Jess gasping and giggling at some of his poems and drawings, and then moments later, deeply pondering some of the others. Silverstein had a gift for the absurd, but also, somehow, he managed to simultaneously inspire hope and motivation. One of my favorite poems as a child (and truthfully, to this day) is called “Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda.” Check it out!

- Jessica Mickley, Director of Training and Outreach

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White is one of my all-time favorite books, period. I loved the courage Fern showed to stand up for a vulnerable animal when no one else would. I loved the friendship story between Wilbur and Charlotte and the difference one person (or, um, spider) could make for another. Sadly, the book also taught me how unfair and cruel the world can be, especially toward the weak and vulnerable. After reading this book, I never looked at any animal or insect the same way again.

- Laura Warne, Communications Coordinator

Not exactly academic or inspiring but The Monster at the End of this Book, Starring Lovable Furry Old Grover by Jon Stone is definitely my favorite. My dad read this book to us growing up with great animated voices for each character and made it a favorite we demanded repeatedly. It's now a regular on my boy's nightly reading list, although I don't imitate the voices nearly as well. The moral of the story is to always keep pushing through; don't be afraid because often the only thing holding you back is yourself. You can listen to the story at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JVK0-4HQTY

- Erica Fischer-Kaslander, Executive Director

Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney is a great picture book. In it, a baby hare and his father try to outdo each other in expressing their love for one another. The ending of the book is often quoted: "I love you to the moon and back."

For slightly older children, James and the Giant Peach by James Dahl is a favorite. James is orphaned as a boy, but with some lucky magic, he travels the world in a giant peach, befriended by giant bugs who become his surrogate family. It's both sweet and funny.

- Michelle Schaefer, Strategy And Reporting Manager

My favorite children's book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I loved reading about the main character, Francie Nolan, and how she overcame all of the obstacles in her life to make something of herself.

- Gina Cetta, Program Director