by Jessica Mickley
Director of Outreach and Training
Passaic County CASA
Twenty-five years ago, I experienced a life-changing trip… to Newark Airport.
While my memory is a bit foggy now, I’ve still retained a few very vivid images. I remember anxiously waiting for my dad to come down the escalator and meet us in baggage claim. I remember my mom fidgeting with her camera. After that, my next memory is of twisting around in the front seat of my parents’ car to stare at the wailing blonde toddler sitting in the backseat next to my jet-lagged dad.
The toddler (and the wailing) was here to stay; she was my new sister.
Every year in May, my parents, sister, and I celebrate that momentous day: the day that my dad returned from Russia after adopting my sister. Our holiday even has a name in our family: Airplane Day.
The activities of Airplane Day vary year to year. They’ve changed based on my sister’s age and interest in celebrating. One year, we drove to Brighton Beach in Brooklyn and ate dinner at a Russian restaurant with the same name as my sister. Some years, we’ve watched the video of my sister that my parents were sent by the adoption agency back in 1995. Other Airplane Days were very low key, at my sister’s request. Almost every year though, we go through the Airplane Day Box, which is a storage bin containing mementos from my dad’s trip and items from my sister’s time in the Russian orphanage prior to adoption.
This annual celebration always brings the four of us together, and serves as a reminder to my sister of how happy we all were when she became part of the family.
While I’m certainly not an expert on adoption, I’ve watched my family and many others navigate the often tricky waters of adoption. Beyond celebrating Airplane Day, here are some qualities that helped our family and may help other families during the adoption process:
Celebrate the child and what makes them unique
In addition to Airplane Day, my parents always tried to make sure that my sister felt wanted and loved. I am their biological child, so my parents regularly reminded her: “Mom delivered your sister and Dad delivered you.” When my sister grew up and became a snarky (but still loveable) pre-teen, she took this sentiment to the extreme: “Hey Jess, Mom and Dad chose me. They got stuck with you,” she would say, smirking. She also began to sign her name, “The Chosen One.” I think my parents accomplished this one, maybe a little too well.
Providing cultural connection
From almost day one, my family was actively involved in the Russian adoption community. We occasionally ate at Russian restaurants (until my sister realized she preferred Wendy’s) and celebrated Russian Orthodox Christmas with other adoptive families.
Be open and honest
Starting that day at Newark Airport, my parents always explained to my sister that she was adopted and shared the entire story with her. There weren’t ever any secrets about her history or birth story.
Follow the child’s lead
Some years, my sister wanted to celebrate Airplane Day. Other years, she was obviously disinterested. It’s important to let them choose how they want to acknowledge their adoption or whether they want to acknowledge it at all. Also, let them tell their own adoption story and guide their adoption journey. My parents always emphasized that if my sister wanted to search for her biological family, they would help her. If she didn’t, they would be equally supportive. Remember, adoption is the child’s story to share, or not. Their story belongs to no one except themselves.
Unless my sister desires otherwise, we will keep celebrating Airplane Day, that special day that a very small, Russian toddler changed our lives for the better forever.
Happy Airplane Day, Chosen One!
